There is something wonderfully relieving about having faith in something larger than yourself. It sort of negates that awful feeling that when you die, nothing happens. That, at the very least,is comforting. But to believe something, to really have faith in it, you can't merely have it for reasons of comfort, or kind of have it as a back up plan. The truth is, when you decide to believe something, anything, you have to mean it. You have to believe it with a sincerity that means you might have to die for the tenants that hold it together. It means, that no matter what you see, no matter what your eyes tell you, you don't waver. You don't allow the world around you to get into that one sacred place in your soul where it all makes perfect sense. You don't.
I have adhered to and defended my faith since I was thirteen years old. My basic belief system and point of origin have remained all these years unscathed, even after years of science and opinion have been presented to me, voices of reason and logic saying "you're wrong". They sometimes take the form of professors, smart people with multiple degrees making a point on a board. Sometimes its a bearded hippie with no future laughing at your beliefs like he laughs at your taste in music. Sometimes its your best friend, or your mother, or your father. Sometimes its the silence you feel late at night, when all the world is deathly quiet and dark, when your thoughts of mortality and your guilt for past mistakes sneak up like a long lost enemy. Sometimes its the moment when you're most alone, when every one has turned their back.
But what makes faith real is the decision to respect the power and intention of those things and then choose to refuse them. I'm talking to people of any and every faith when I say this. This blog is not about my faith. It's about FAITH itself. You find something to believe in, something that suddenly holds you together, that keeps you sane. That thing becomes your bloodline, your rock. You depend on it. You fight for it. You grieve when imbeciles that share it distort it and make you look bad. You love it when someone decides to delve into it, see what its all about. That's a personal victory for you. Faith is not easy. It's basically choosing to believe in this one thing, believing in it with all your heart and soul, knowing you're taking perhaps the greatest risk of your life, and then not looking back. That's not something you can manufacture. It has to resonate with you as a person.
Having faith comes with responsibility. It means respecting and understanding those who don't. People are born into this world with a few guiding principles. Those principles may change or they may stay the same. The important principle later in life is choice, the choice to believe in something or not believe in something. Those that do make the tough decision to believe in something have to relate and understand the decision others makes not to. If more people did this, less anger would exist towards the idea of belief. The rising number of legalistic religious fanatics keeps the silent fire of the respectful in the dark. Had I never decided to believe what I believe at thirteen, I don't know that I would have as an adult. I'm too cynical.
The adult world likes to believe in things it can see, in logic and in reason. It attempts, very often, to distance us from the bewildered state of childhood we once knew, where every day brought a wonderful, beautiful new discovery. We were young once, fresh skin and bone, new to this quite odd existence. Then, we could believe, believe in a power and wonder that defied our poor ability to understand. I find myself often relating to that kid, that starry eyed kid who put his faith in something much larger and greater than himself.
As a 24 year old man, I can tell you that the discoveries of that kid since have been incredible, shocking, humbling, dark, visceral and beautiful all at the same time. And I owe those discoveries to the faith that has kept me going. That faith has never left me. When all else has failed, when humanity has burned out from exhaustion, the surviving elements will be as follows: cock roaches, Kieth Richards and Max Barber's unwavering faith. I don't have a problem telling you I know I'm right. Find something you believe in and maybe you'll feel the same way.
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