What Is Love?

The following was written at 4am, aided by a Red Bull, Kristofferson playing on the stereo and my usual late night epiphanies that seem so half baked in the morning.....


Love is something that science cannot decipher. It's something psychoanalysis can't understand even after hours of chair time. Love is not a feeling, not some emotional connection. If it were, we'd be screwed, really screwed. Our emotions are some of the most untrustworthy aspects of who are. They want us to do this, but they hate us later for doing it. They beg us for that but later say they were just kidding. With love, emotions can't be the fuel for our fire. They just can't. Love is deeper, darker and more passionate than that.


I was sitting on the couch today, still tired from working literally all night the previous evening. My fiance called me on the phone. This is our normal routine. She calls me when she gets off work to see how I am, just to check in and say she loves me. She does it like clock work. It occured to me that she doesn't just do this because she feels like it. There's no way she always feels like calling me after talking to a classroom full of kids for eight hours. The last thing I wanna do after working all day is talk more. I wanna come home and veg out on the couch with a Mountain Dew and play Red Dead Redemption. But, nevertheless, she always calls me when she gets off. I realized after thinking about it for a minute that her calling me no matter what is a perfect example of what love really is. It's being compassionate and caring and sweet even when you want to be cranky and pissy and sarcastic. And that means the world to me. My ritual has been, for some time, to make sure I periodically tell her she means the world to me, that she's the best thing that ever happened to me and that my love is unconditional. I do this a few times a week randomly....just so she knows.


I always want her to know that my love for her is one of the few things in life that keeps me grounded. In seven years, she's taught me so much about compassion and honesty. She's done this through basic communication. It's in the finer details, the simpler things you do. The person you love notices these things. They latch on to your quirks and your weirdness and love you all the more for it. I don't need Dr. Phil to tell me that. You don't either. The key, if you're asking me, to a good relationship, is defining what love is and what it isn't. Love isn't egotisitical or selfish or domineering. It's patient and kind and honest and real. It takes time and dedication and a willingness to grow. Most of all, I think it takes ignoring the impulse to be impatient or egotistical or domineering. Do we all give into this impulse from time to time? Of course we do. In truth, how we handle the ramifications of our occasional shortcomings set us apart as well. Understanding and fulfilling another person on multiple levels takes time and effort. It takes pursuing the goals you share, planning your lives accordingly and sacrificing your wants when its needed. It also means that you make this person your number one priority. All of the things you used to do for you...they're gone. You're now doing them for two. Act accordingly...make the phone call, express yourself, etc. Be love embodied.


Anyway, that's just an observation. I don't think it explains the vast complexities of love, but I think it emphasizes the power and beauty of it. I'm happy I have a love that is not based on momentary emotions or ideas. I have relationship based on my full dedication to another human being, someone who has grounded me, energized me, challenged me and saved me. Hopefully, if you are in a relationship, nothing is conditional. Conditions mean you're not committed. A true loyalty means you're there in the best of times and the worst, all too often the same all at once.

Be love,

Max